Yesterday's tracheostomy went off without a hitch, so today they started the process of weaning Alex off the sedatives and waking him up. It's a lousy process. He's drugged enough that he can't move much, but he's more aware of what hurts or is bothering him; and he can't tell you because he can't talk with the trach/ventilator combo. Talk about frustrating.
He must also be pretty disoriented, because the last thing he knew, he was going in for an emergency surgery 3 weeks ago. What a crappy way to wake up.
It's hard to watch because there really isn't anything I can do to help him; he's still so medicated that he has no sense of time. Minutes feel like days to him. If you tell him, "They're going to give you more pain meds soon," or if you even name him a time or a number of minutes, all he knows is that he wants them RIGHT NOW because everything hurts.
I try to reassure him, but when you have no concept of time, it feels like you're going to feel like hell forever. I was feeling stressed just watching him be so uncomfortable, and I was starting to think that he was picking up on my stress. So, once again, just as I did the last time we tried to wake him up, I left. It was hard. I'm still kicking myself, feeling like I abandoned him, but the nurses said, "Nope, you're doing the right thing. Go home and get some sleep."
I hope this process isn't too protracted, because it just sucks.
4 comments:
You are doing the right thing and you are doing the best job you can do.
We are thinking of you guys.
Once he wakes up a little more can you get him an etch a sketch so he can write what he is thinking till he can talk? I am so glad things seem to be turning around even if they are so slow. You are very strong, give yourself a break, the nurses are right he needs to see you not stressed right now, my heart goes out to you both.
Thanks, everybody. Linda - they have white boards that they give people to use once they have enough muscle coordination. Hopefully in the next few days we'll get to that point.
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