Seems like the weight of the day accumulates and crushes my body while I try to fall asleep. With less meat on my bones, my knees and ankles are so knobby that they cut off circulation to my limbs when I lay on my side. My arms and shoulders are so out of whack, that when I lay on my side or on my back they either go numb or feel like they are full of fire ants crawling their way out. Tonight my back decided to get in on the fun. As tired as I am (exhausted), I can't sleep because the pain outweighs the fatigue. All of this despite two vicodin, one skelaxin, and an ativan. I should be sleeping like a baby... but this baby just wants to scream.
I know no one wants to hear the bad shit. I try to remain positive everyday, but nights like this make me feel like I am losing my mind. If I could cut off my left arm, just to stop this incessant nerve pain, I would do it. It is absolutely mind-crushing.
Just took round two of heavy meds, hoping for a pharmacological solution to this pain and frustration. I hate taking any medications. But I also need sleep. I think a dose of valerian earlier in the night might help. I worry about adding more to this already potent mix of meds though.